Thursday, October 04, 2012

On Home Selling

Things I never knew about selling a house:

The concept of doggie daycare and how useful it can be. 

Selling a house is like receiving a verbal tip as a server. Weren't a server? That's when a customer gushes about you, leaves a note on the receipt about how great you are and leaves you a whopping $1 tip on a $60 bill.

Selling a house is much like a 12 step program. Or any real thing where there are several stages of emotions:
Step 1: I hate is house! I want it of this house! Let's sell this house!
Step 2: while prepping the house - oh my gosh! We're never going to sell this house. It's going to take so much to get this house sold!
Step 3: listing your house - ok. Look! Our house isn't so bad! Surely someone will buy this house!
Step 4: First feedback on your house - what do you mean you don't like my house? My house is awesome! How could you ever say that!? You know what? I bet where you live is crappy you big jerk! You don't deserve to live in my awesome house.
Step 5: after several showings and no nibbles - why don't you love my house? I love my house. See how nice my house is?
Step 6: after the first round of looking at new houses - oh my gosh! Will you look at that? Is that carpet going up the side of the tub? Do you see how dirty/old/gross this is? How could someone not like our house? Our house is awesome/clean/updated and it shows so well!
Step 7: after several looks at other houses and you've found nothing you like - we're NEVER going to find a house! Ugh! Nothing is as good as our house!
Step 8: after a lowball offer - what do you mean you want $9,000 under listing price AND want us to pay closing!? Are you crazy? Have you seen my house!? My house is worth WAY more than that! Do you really think I'm going to PAY you to buy my house? 
That's as far as I've gotten but there are definitely 4 more. I think the final steps depend on the house you want to buy, whether they go for your deal or not or whether you decide to say screw it all I'm staying put.

You WILL start to love your house once it's all spruced up and decluttered. I think it's impossible not to.

You will become nostalgic about spending time in your patio, your favorite Chinese restaurant that you've been ordering take out from for the past 9 years, YOUR grocery store/favorite chain restaurant/shopping center/highway.

Your weird ass neighbor kids have some kind of house showing radar and will loiter for your  potential buyers to see. You will swear they are doing this on purpose.

Home showing refugee. It's real.

You will chew out the home showing scheduling service multiple times for calling before 8 am on a weekend. They will do it again.

Home showings will disrupt your entire life and schedule. It's your new job.

You can clean a house within 30 minutes if you have to. The dryer is a great place to hide things.

Your yard will never look so immaculate ever again. Neither will your house/floors/bathrooms/kitchen.

Storage units are crazy expensive.

"We have a showing" is your new excuse for everything.

You should have bought stock in candles.

Any stories on how you survived the selling process?

6 comments:

  1. We listed our first home on a whim at the height of the market in 2006. We had 3 offers in 4 days. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to it so soon.

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  2. We listed our first home on a whim at the height of the market in 2006. We had 3 offers in 4 days. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to it so soon.

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  3. We sold our first house in Phoenix after we moved to San Antonio. Although they said it would help to have furniture in it, we sold it - empty -within a month. These days, with two toddlers, I have no idea how I'd manage to keep it clean. Good luck with the process!

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  4. You about summed it all up. My hubs the realtor actually has to tell people upon the first meeting all the things they should do to make their house more attractive and sell-able. He has seen it all and I cringe at the stories he tells me on what he asks them to get rid of.

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  5. Ugh this gives me flashbacks =). We just sold our house in MA a couple of months ago. People offered $50k less, and acted like it was not livable when in fact it was a good house! Some of the feedback was "the floors are so bad they all have to be ripped up before we could even think of staying in there" ummm we had just gotten new carpet because we never planned on moving!

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  6. Considering how much I HATE our house, thank you for this dose of reality.And LOL at there being 4 more you just haven't gotten to yet.

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