Tuesday, October 05, 2010

John Speaks

Here's John's first post in which he tries to answer the age old question, "How do I get the man in my life to get his dirty clothes into the hamper?"

Understanding your Husband - A Guide for the Ladies

To truly understand your husband, the modern man, you first must understand his predecessor, the primitive man.

The primitive man found it easy to feed himself, after all, earth easily supports all kind of life, and man found food everywhere. A single man or a group of men could live off the land without too much trouble, as long as they weren't picky eaters. This is primitive mans primary concern: food.

Things get tricky when you add women. Men are strongly driven to reproduce, but women aren't always so willing and are at times confusing and picky with mate selection. Women have monthly cycles and child rearing to be concerned with, and thus crave stability and protection and consistent provisions. Men then developed two basic reproductive strategies:
1. Be a good provider and provide stability. (rich guy or 'nice' guy)
2. Be a good protector. (bad ass or bad boy)
This is primitive man's secondary concern: sex.

Men were doing just fine as hunters and really didn't mind not having a permanent residence because they followed the food. (see primary concern) When women began to choose more stable mates, men realized that they needed to have a homestead and that the better possessions they had, the better their chances are of finding the best possible mate. This is man's tertiary concern: his domain (although this could still be considered a reproductive strategy).

Enough with the history lesson, lets get into understanding why your husbands can't seem to put their clothes into the laundry basket. Putting clothes into the laundry basket won't feed your husband, so food is not the concern here. Putting clothes into the laundry basket will not get your husband sex, although NOT doing it could cause him to NOT have sex, and you might do well to remind him of this on occasion. Remember reproductive strategy #1? Just convince him that he is not just providing you with a house, but a home, and that means no clothes on the floor.

Why do men love sports? Because of reproductive strategy #2. We all want to be bad asses and be bigger and stronger than the next guy to protect our mate, namely, you. I am sure that many of you have dated a 'bad boy' and have since wondered what the hell you were thinking. You were looking for a strong protector or a warrior, or in modern terms, an athlete. Sports are simply simulated war and men LOVE it. So, if you want your husband to put his clothes in the laundry, make it a sport. Find a laundry basket with his favorite team on it, or paint your laundry basket his favorite teams colors, or put a basketball rim over the laundry basket. He will suddenly be interested in his new awesome laundry basket and you can now easily get him in the habit of tossing in his dirties. If you really want to reinforce the message, the next time he puts his clothes where they belong, have sex with him, he will understand this and probably remember it forever.

Men are really pretty simple. We want to eat and get laid. Everything else we do pretty much comes back to those two things in some way or the other. I think if you start to view your husband through the correct lenses, you will understand him better which will lead to better communication and you can motivate him to get what you want.

I still don't really understand women. You are like a 30 sided Rubiks cube with 50 different colors.


  1. This sounds like it came right out a textbook! Thanks for enlightening us John.

  2. I love this! You're a talented writer AND very imformative! Forwarding to the Hubby...

  3. This totally parted the clouds for me. John, Tony may come looking for you to thank you.


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