Friday, December 04, 2009

Torn Between Two Titles

Hmmmm.....which to pick....

If you follow me on Twitter you were the recipient of some really funny tweets from The Pioneer Woman's book signing in Austin that Julie, Stephanie, Kandis, Erin and I went to last night. My two potential titles for this post were tweets:

The Night I Met Ass Crack....errr.....The Pioneer Woman


The Night My Boobs Met The Pioneer Woman

You'll see both pictures in a little while.

So we all left work a bit early and caravanned it up to Austin. My goal was to make it there by 6 and we did! Yay!

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We get to Book People and find Porn Star parking (as Julie explains it Rock Star parking is second row from the door, Porn Star is front and center) we get our wristbands and then I leave the group to go find us some grub. The most amazing Whole Foods on the planet is located across the street from Book People and so I head over there. I grab Erin some sushi and Stephanie and I the most amazing turkey and basil pesto on wheat sandwich. It was soooo good! I smuggle this all into Book People which has gotten much more crowded than it was when I left 15 minutes ago. While eating my sandwich I turn to the front of the room and see this:

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Big huge butt crack. I turn around and continue eating. I glance back a few minutes later and it's still there! Does she not have any crack awareness? I personally am very aware of any potential crack appearances when I'm out. Even when low rider jeans were the "thing" I always made sure to wear a long enough shirt and to hike my pants up before I sat down. Really? Could you not feel the breeze honey? We're now at 15 minutes plus for this crack being exposed and I give in and turn to my girlfriends and say, "OMG. I do not want to stare at this chick's crack for another half hour. Come on!" To which at least 10 other woman start laughing and I realize I may have said that a little bit loudly....

Yes, I totally heard my husband in my ear telling me that if I'm going to say something about someone I need to lower the volume. He does an impersonation of me making fun of a hypothetical woman in the Wal-Mart checkout line where I loudly ask him if I can believe that she's wearing what she's wearing while he tells me, "Hey babe. She's standing right in front of you and can hear everything you're saying. In fact, she can hear everything I'm saying." To which I always reply, "Well someone needed to let her know."

So I said a little, "Oops! That was a bit louder than I intended" and gave a little awkward laugh to which one of the women next to our group replied, "You only said what we were all thinking!"

So yes. That picture is where the caption, "The Night I Met Ass Crack....errr....The Pioneer Woman" came from.

After a wait and a lot of Marlboro Man and Punk sightings

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the moment comes. Some dude from the store comes out to give PW an intro and tells us when need to give her a Rock Star welcome (I guess PW had to park in the second row?) and has us all shouting Pioneer Woman. Here's the video of it and of her coming in:

If you bothered to watch it, yes we get a little tired of yelling, PW hollered down, 4 more seconds and that's why we started counting, yes someone tells the woman to sit down in front, and when PW finally comes out she tells us that she had to pee. Love it.

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She answered all our random questions

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MM took some pictures

and then the wait began so we had to entertain ourselves. We posed with our books

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Stephanie posed with a random shirt


and then I found PETER! (Peter is one of my fraternity buds)

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Peter was there to get a book signed for his mom. Then we got into the line with these ladies

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to have MM sign our books. This is our conversation about getting off our behinds to get into line.

Julie: Oh. He's signing his face.
Me: Whatever. If he's signing anything it's the picture in the back of his backside. Peter, give me your mom's book and I'll have MM sign his backside for her.

Girls' go get into line. My turn with MM.

Me: **Hands MM cookbook open to picture of his backside** Yeah. I want you to sign that page.
MM: Laughs awkwardly. Who do I make it out to?
Me: Judith. That's my friend Peter's mom. He was a little embarrassed to come ask if you would sign a picture of your backside for his mother.
MM: **Laughs** I can understand that.


Group picture with MM! When we were posing Julie says to me, "Faith Anne! Put your arm around me like you like me!" Do you know what that does Julie? Do you? It makes your head look like it's resting on my boobs! That's what it does! In this picture we've got Erin trying to rest her head on MM's chest, Kandis trying to rest her head on Erin's head, MM wishing this could all be over soon, Me and then Julie resting her head on my boobs. Of course you only see all this if you can keep your eyes off MM.

After about 2 hours it was finally our turn to get in line. We found entertainment along the way of course:



Then we were finally up the stairs and we could see her!

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and then we were in the same room with her!

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and then Erin was all, "OMG! I'm next! I'm going to dance around like Peter Pan!"

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and then Erin just couldn't stop gushing to PW and we all pretended that we didn't know her and we only let her hang with us because we felt sorry for her.

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Next up was Kandis. Kandis took a Pecan Pie Recipe for our friend Monica who couldn't be there.

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Then it was my turn and I was all, dude, you're sitting down and I'm freakishly tall so I'm going to have to bend over really far!

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Except this ended up with a picture that was the inspiration for my second caption, "The Night My Boobs Met The Pioneer Woman."

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After that awkward moment Stephanie gets up there and is all, "Yeah. I have no clue who you are...." and we're all, "Stephanie! No you didn't!" and Stephanie looks at us

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and is all, "What?" and then PW tells her, "It's ok! Just think, you haven't wasted hours of your life away like your friends!" Thanks PW. I'm totally going to sell your signed copy of your cookbook on Ebay now......not's an empty threat.....

Finally it was Julie's turn. Whose boobs did not look like they were going to eat PW's head like they did that time she went and met Dooce without telling us.

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PW tolerated us for one more minute while we all took a group picture with her


we all got a t-shirt as well (YAY!) and then some of the cowboys totally wrangled us out of Book People.....not really, but that would have made for a good ending to this story.


  1. You can put my blog link on your page, its public now.

    As well, I put it on ebay last already is up to $50. I kid!!

  2. I'm so so jealous! It looks like you girls had a blast!

  3. I laughed my ass off when I saw Kandis' pictures! You know I pointed out the butt crack right away!!!

  4. Sounds like a good time. I read on her website about her having to pee before another book signing, maybe that's her thing. Take a pic of you in the shirt! I saw them on her website and I think they are super cute. Glad you enjoyed meeting PW and MM!

  5. Hey, not only are we both "Faith" but we're both "Faith Anne" with an "e"!! Amazing. Our parents have good taste in names. :)

    I wonder how many impulse "Handerpants" purchases there were that night. I almost bought a pair! Then when I got home I realized I actually should have bought a pair for my husband for Christmas. 'Cause, you know, you never know when you're going to need 'em. ;)

  6. I see you are showing your own crack in the last picture.

    I came to your blog from the PW blog but I won't be coming back.

  7. Thanks for stopping by Anonymous! So glad you took the time to at least comment as everyone is entitled to their own opinions, anonymous or not. My blog is probably not for everyone, and if you can't find the humor in someone's crack sticking out for a good hour let alone take the time to actually read where I make fun of my own "crack" as you call it, then my blog is definitely not for you. That's one of the many great things about PW though, she appeals to so many people out there so I do hope you did find some new blogs that you can appreciate.


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