Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Back Home Again in Indiana....

Anyone know that song? It's not the state song, but it's probably as popular there as Deep in the Heart of Texas is here.

My grandfather died yesterday morning. It was a little unexpected. He had not been doing great in the past month or so, but was making improvements. It all started with what they thought were kidney stones. Then the medicine he was prescribed had a bad reaction with some of his current medication and he ended up in the hospital again. His kidneys were still not in good working order and they discovered a cancerous mass on his kidney. They moved him from the little county hospital to the main hospital in Indianapolis where they also discovered a mass on his heart. There was some worry that it would be throughout his body and they wouldn't know until they went in to remove the masses. The great news was that it was just the two. He was doing good after his surgery and the plan was for him to go home and take chemo pills. Then early Monday morning, about two weeks after his surgery, the hospital called my aunt to say that his heart had stopped and they had already restarted it three times. My aunt gathered up my grandmother and headed to the hospital. On the way the hospital called again to say they had to restart his heart 2 additional times and it was now causing more harm then good and so my aunt and grandmother told them to let him go.

This week is a crazy one. Work is insane, I'm hosting a get together on Thursday, we leave for Julie's wedding on Friday, my little brother was in court yesterday battling for his son (he won), my mom's back surgery is next Monday, and now another grandparent has died. My parents were already in Houston for my brother's court date so afterwards they all drove to Temple to meet my other brother and his wife and kids. They left at midnight to drive to Indianapolis. I can't be there because of the work crazy and life crazy and plane tickets are crazy expensive. Bereavement airfare is a total joke by the way. Even if I found the money to go it would be a fly in early Thursday and turn around and leave Friday trip. The only tickets available to come back would mean I'd miss the wedding rehearsal on Friday night. I'd have to leave John behind and I'd want him to be there. I could take him with me, but it'd mean having to board all the dogs rather than just boarding the one and having the other two go to friends. We'd also both miss the rehearsal and the flight costs would be insane.

I talked to my mom this morning (they're in Little Rock making their way towards Memphis right now) and she told me to stay put. I know she's right, but I want to be there, and that part of me that always takes on too much knows that I could manage it, but I'd be exhausted and emotionally drained before I even got to the wedding and how is that fair to anyone?

I know I should listen to my mom. I know that I can save that money for a visit later in the year, when my grandma is feeling sad and lonely, and when it's not just a whirlwind trip. When I can actually spend time with my family, show John where we used to live and all my old hangouts. I know this, but I can't help feeling like I've been left behind, upset that I can't be there, sad that I only got to see my grandpa twice since we moved away 13 years ago and sad that now he's gone.


  1. Ah girl, I'm sorry. It'll all work out though, it always does. If I were you, I'd wait and go when grandma really needs you and you're not just there to say hi/bye and head out. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

  2. I'm so sorry about your grandpa!

  3. I'm sorry about your grandfather--it's a tough decision to make to have to stay home, but it sounds like life really is crazy for you right now, and the blessing of it is that you have family that understands and supports that!

    Is there something you could do to be a part of the service, even if you aren't able to be there? Pick a poem or song or something that reminds you of your grandfather for another family member to share?

  4. Oh hunny. I'm so sorry. The loss would be hard if it was expected, but I can't imagine unexpected.

    I'm so so sorry.


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