Monday, October 19, 2009

The Bachelorette Party

Saturday was Julie's last fling before the ring! I got up early and started doing all the running around in order to get ready for the party. This included picking up our giant 15 passenger van.


That is the creepiest smile ever on my face. I think it was part fear, part I want to smile because I don't want to show the fear of driving this monster on the highway, part oh crap, I have no makeup on and someone is taking my picture, and the final part was smile, but don't take your eyes off the road.

Survived the drive home and then it was time for penis cookies!


Next thing I know people were showing up, devouring all the food (which we somehow didn't seem to make a dent in)


and then it was time for the passion party.


Let's just say it was very interesting, hilarious, and there were lots of things to make you smile


Then it was time to break the penis pinata!


That sucker was hard (hehe)


and we ended up beating it on the ground.

Then we all piled into the van and took off to Pat O's! Here's the group of us that went out:


We got our drinks and headed to the piano lounge where lots of penis fun occurred:


The bride and her bridesmaids!

We had to get our bachelorette on stage.


They sang her the Pussy Cat song and as people gave her more money, the song got dirtier. Here's a video of the beginning and therefore "cleanest" part:

There was a sleeping man at our table.


Lesson 1: Do not fall asleep at a bar. Lesson 2: Do not fall asleep in a piano bar because the singers will make fun of you. Lesson 3: Do not fall asleep in a piano bar near a group of bachelorettes. You WILL get molested in your sleep by a giant penis.


Then the cops will come and take you away, but not until they let the bachelorettes molest you some more with their giant penis.

After this we headed upstairs for some dancing. Of course the first song is the one for that dance that I still don't do.


Then it was Julie running around to that catchy Miley Cyrus song, Party in the USA.


Next thing I knew I was doing the shopping cart in a circle of people with some dude.



We shut the bar down and decided to go to a strip club. It didn't exactly work out, but we did end up in a Whataburger where I was humped and then picked up by some drunk military guy. This required our gigantic driver Matt to come in and rescue me. (Thanks Matt!)

Then it was home where we met up with the guys. I quickly passed out on the living room floor until I decided I'd had enough and ran to worship the porcelain god. Yeah. It was not pretty. I haven't gotten sick since my work Christmas party 3 years ago (we're a bunch of winos). Before that it was probably sometime in college. I felt like absolute shit all day on Sunday. I spent a lot of time sitting on the kitchen and living room floors because I couldn't make the round trip from the kitchen to my bedroom. No amount of Whataburger, left over Chinese food, water and aspirin made me feel better. I sucks being old! You just can't hang like you used to and when you try, the next day isn't pretty. Remember when you could drink all day, pop two aspirin, sleep until 2 and be just fine? Not anymore. Plus in some cruel joke, your old body doesn't allow you to sleep in like you used to either.


  1. Girl, I totally understand what you mean and it's not cool!!! I love Whataburger-I even have a dance for it. Sounds like an awesome time!!! What a good bridesmaid you are...what was that blue drink???

  2. The drink of the night is my Pat O's favorite - the Rainstorm. I started drinking those after one too many bad nights of Hurricanes in college. It's Vodka, Melon Liqueur, Coconut Rum, Pineapple Juice and Sweet Sour Mix, topped with Blue CuraƧao.


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