Monday, September 14, 2009

Back on the Wagon

Dear Hips, Thighs, Gut and Ass,

We've had a good run. We've enjoyed a lot of great meals, a lot of good beer, a lot of warm, comfy fat pants around the house, but those good times have to come to an end. You know when I shrunk you all down to size 2 1/2 years ago? Remember all the work we did to lose that 25 pounds? Yeah, well those 25 pounds have come back and they brought some friends with them. It's totally not cool that those friends refuse to leave. Re-fuse! Despite getting my ass (yeah, and I'm not talking to just you ass because all parts have gotten a beating) kicked at the gym on a regular basis, those friends just downright refuse to leave! They have totally overstayed their welcome! In fact all 35 pounds that I've gained have overstayed their welcome. What's that saying, "fish and house guests both stink after 3 days?" That's exactly how I feel about you 35 extra pounds.

Now I know we're a bit older than we were 3 years ago when I first started. Plus I've got the crazy gigantic nodule covered thyroid working against me. I know it's not going to be as easy as it was once before, but we're going to do it! We're going back to Weight Watchers, we're going to the gym at least three times a week, and we're taking the dogs (especially big fattie Reese) on long walks the other days. We're going to do this, because frankly, I've only got 3 or 4 pairs of work pants that fit without giving me a muffin top the size of a Starbucks blueberry muffin. A muffin top like that does not need to be subjected to anyone. No sir. Plus people are going to start thinking I'm pregnant if I keep wearing the flowy shirts. "Oh hi! Nope, no baby, it's just the 2 1/4 pounds of cheeseburger I had last night." It's also not cool when you get a "flat stomach" because your fat rolls have finally filled themselves out. Well, maybe a little cool since it's the first flat stomach you've had since high school.

So long hips, thighs, gut and ass. I'd say it was nice to know you, but not really. I can't say I'm going to miss you that much either. I will miss all the yummy, delicious fat covered in fat covered in ranch dressing dipped in chocolate goodness that we ate to get you here, but that's about it. I'll miss some of my laziness that also contributed to your long stay as well. The fat pants though? I'm keeping those. They're just too wonderful to get rid of.

Your host body,



  1. I can't wait to hear how WW goes for you--I am thinking about joining after having the bambino. I seem to recall that they have a plan for post-partum/nursing moms, but I can't really remember.

  2. Love it!!! I know the feeling too, I just have to get motivated...that's the hard part.


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