Friday, December 05, 2008

Dear Starbucks Peppermint Mocha Twist,

You were so yummy. You tasted just like hot chocolate with Peppermint Schnapps. I even got my caffeine fix and you were a great substitute for when I wanted peppermint hot chocolate, but couldn't have it because it's wrong to do stuff like drink hot chocolate and peppermint schnapps when you're on your way to work. I'm pretty sure I'd be breaking at least one law and violating some kind of workplace policy. Plus it would look really bad if the HR lady came into the office wasted and smelling like Schnapps. Management might just frown upon that one. I thought you and I had a great thing going (yes, it had been just one day, but sometimes, you just know!) I was even going to suck up the extra 40 cents I had to pay for you when you caught my eye and I turned away from my first true love - Chai Tea Latte. Then I made the mistake of looking up your nutritional value. 30 grams of fat!? Where are you hiding it? I even ordered nonfat milk with you! I know I got a grande so like me, you're a little bit taller and hide your fat a bit better, but 30 grams? I didn't even try to figure how much the tiny dollop of peppermint whipped cream is going to add. I'm trying to pretend that me and the whipped cream just never happened. Then I calculated how many WW points you were going to cost me. I thank you for your 2 grams of fiber (you must be hiding that somewhere with your excess fat) but you cost me 8 points! 8 points. That's how much my lunch usually is! I get a full meal at lunch with carrot sticks, fruit, and a chocolate pudding cup! While you were delightfully sinful and fulfilled my every need in our short time together, I just don't see how I can go on with you. It was wrong to not learn more about you before I gave up on Chai Tea. I was reckless. I wasn't thinking and it was a mistake. I think you're wonderful, I just don't think you and I are right for one another. Please don't take this the wrong way. There are thousands of people out there looking for the chocolate and peppermint satisfaction that only you can provide. Maybe next year when Starbucks brings you back again on their seasonal menu we can reexamine our relationship. For now I just need to stay the straight and narrow path and concentrate on myself.
Forever yours in spirit,


  1. mmmm but it sure looks delicious! I will have to get one now!

  2. Holy crap! 30 grams of fat?!? That's un-freaking-believable!

  3. Hah! The good ones are always bad aren't they?


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