Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Biopsy = Not Fun

I had my thyroid biopsy today. Now I'm not a big fan a needles in any way. They used to be no big deal, but sometime in the past 5 years or so they've become one. I can't even give blood anymore. Plus the fact that every time I try to give blood I stop bleeding. It's very sad.

So I go in and the Dr. asks if I want numbing medication. Is the Pope Catholic lady? You bet I do! By agreeing to this I've also added another needle to the procedure. Yay! At least this one is full of sweet, sweet drugs. Well the ultrasound guy finds my nodule which is now just over 2 cm and the Dr. injects me with the numbing meds. Then she grabs needle #1 and shoves it into what feels like my throat. Ok, THAT hurt like a bitch. Are you sure you just injected me with numbing medication? Because I felt ALL of that and it hurt. I thought I wouldn't feel it. That's why I agreed to that other needle. What? Am I ready for the next one? NO! but it's not like it's going to change your mind about shoving another needle into my throat now is it? OK! Wow! Those meds are NOT working! What's that? Am I doing all right? As fine as someone that's just had 3 needles shoved into their neck can be. That's about how I'm doing right now. What? It's right at the surface? Um, yeah. I'd hate for it to be any deeper. Oh, it probably hurts more because it's at the surface and surrounded by nerves? Fan-freaking-tastic! How about some more of those numbing meds? Really. I don't mind if I can't feel my entire neck. REALLY. Wow. Needle #3 barely hurt. How about we do #4 in the same spot? Um, hey! That is NOT the same spot that you're shoving that needle into! It's a totally different spot and Oh.My.God!!!

Yeah, now that needle hell is over the Dr. proceeds to tells me that I have a small hematoma and I need to watch it. It's REALLY rare, but sometimes, people get these giant grapefruit type things on their neck and I really need to watch for that. Because apparently I wouldn't notice a grapefruit forming on my neck. Oh and if I have trouble breathing or swallowing I need to go to the ER. Yay! Fun! She also tells me, you also have a bit of an Adam's Apple, just put some ice on it and it will be fine. Gee. I'm so glad I don't also have man hands because people could start to get confused.

So now I'm sitting at my desk wishing I had just gone home, dreaming about Chinese food, with an instant icepack on my neck, a giant bottle of Tylenol, and my coworker coming in to say, Wow. I can see all the needle marks! I should have my results back in 3-4 days. Which is probably sooner than I will hear back about my comps. Just one more thing to drive my crazy!


  1. wow. You must have a high threshold of pain because if they stuck all those needles in me, I would of passed OUT!

  2. I agree with Steph! I'm getting woosy just reading about it. Hope you are feeling better.

  3. omg, you weren't kidding about a laugh. i think you're the only person who can write about your own pain in such a way to make it entertaining. maybe it's just because i can visualize you telling me in person, with all your gesticulating and the way you speak. ah, poor faith. don't worry, we don't think you're mannish.

  4. Erin - I'm sure you even went and did a Faith impression for Jason after you read this too! LOL


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