Friday, August 08, 2008

What Feels Like Day 4,962 with the Puppy

7 am: woke up late
7:10 am: Got out of the shower. Husband still in bed.
7:12 am: Have brushed teeth and gotten moisturizer on. Husband still in bed.
7:13 am: Get my dogs up and yell at husband to get up.
7:14 am: Open bedroom door to the smell of puppy shit.
7:14:30 am: See that puppy has decided to play in shit.
7:15 am: Carrying puppy, still in shit covered crate outside all the while telling her how gross she is and other such things in order to remind my husband that I am up 7 to 3 on puppy cleanups.
7:17 am: puppy is outside. I open the door and run for it so I don't get covered in puppy crap. Think to myself, I should take a picture of this so people don't think I'm horrible for calling the puppy Shit Stain.
7:18 am: husband who is now running late is still taking his sweet ass time to get ready. He's currently half dressed and reading the yahoo headlines.
7:28 am: I have fed all dogs, cleaned puppy shit that she also managed to get all over the floor by her crate, made my lunch and the coffee, husband has yet to come into the living/kitchen area. He yells from the other room, "did the dog shit herself again?" Me, "Yes." Him: "Can you just wash her off and I'll take care of the crate?" Me: *Looks down at white bathrobe I'm wearing* "No." Him, "Please babe, I'll come home after checking in at work and will clean off the crate and stuff." Me, "and where are we going to put her in the meantime?" Him, "We'll put up the baby gate." Me, *mumbles* "Well you better clean the shit off her because I'm sure as hell not."
7:35 am: Husband comes in while I'm blow drying my hair, "Can you not put my favorite cup in the dishwasher? *shows me favorite cup* It gets stuff on it." Me: "Well wash it off." Him, "That's why I don't like the dishwasher! You have to just wash everything again!" Me: *slams bathroom door* "and why don't you wash off the puppy while your at it!"
7:45 am: I'm ready, husband is lazily eating breakfast, watching the Today Show, puppy is still covered in shit.
7:50 am: I have now hosed off puppy, my dress slacks are drenching wet as are my satin flats.
7:55 am: I'm blow drying my pants husband comes in and says his car won't start. I tell him I have jumper cables in my trunk, go jump it. He says, "I don't have time. Can't you take me?" Me, "NO! I'm not even ready to leave because I've been cleaning up puppy shit all morning while you've been sitting on your ass!" Him, "Well don't you have to be at work at 8 also?" *Look of death*
8:01 am: Have not had coffee or food, barely remembered to get my rings and my lunch, did not have time to stop for gas and the gas light is on, did not get to take a picture of Shit Stain and her shit stains, puppy is still outside eating breakfast, but husband's happy ass is dropped off at work.

some other stuff that I can share with others later, but can't go here.

9:03 am: Husband calls to say, "I got the crate cleaned, put new bedding in it and the puppy, took out the trash, did the dishes (all 3 of them) made the bed and put up my laundry. Is there anything else that I'm forgetting? I don't want to get yelled at when I get home." Me, "How about an I'm sorry." Him, "For what?" YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!

Side notes: I have decided that this is no normal puppy. What puppy plays in her poo? When my dogs had an accident it was always in the farthest corner of their crates and they were always huddled as far from it as they can get. They were always the saddest creatures on the planet on the few occasions this happened. Now, she poops in the corner, but then decides to finger paint herself and her surroundings. Thus the name Shit Stain. If my husband hadn't been, well, my husband this morning I could have proven this to you with a lovely picture of a dog shit covered crate, but well....

Also J decides to tell me on the way to work that he had trouble getting his car started yesterday too, but yet didn't tell me this. So this means I will probably also come home to more dog poo that I will have to clean up because heaven forbid my husband take more responsibility than doing his laundry and washing the dishes, but I will also have to figure out what the hell is wrong with his car. This is because I married a man who knows jack shit about cars. I doubt he even knows how to jump start his car. Oh he can hook up cable and do wall drops for his damn surround sound, but change a spark plug? His oil? A tire? Oh hells no.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, I feel you!!! I totally know what you are going through! -whatwedding

    ReplyDelete

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