Friday, February 01, 2008

Riley, cute dog to Sh!t Head in 0.5 seconds

So Thursday night I got home and then walked over to get the mail. As I'm walking back to the house, Riley meets me on the sidewalk. Little bugger has dug another hole in the backyard.

So this morning I let the dogs out and Riley is a little too eager as he runs out the door. Usually the dogs are still waking up and kind of look at me like, you want us to go out there? It's still early, I haven't had my morning kibble and it's cold. I wishfully think to myself that he'll be too cold to head for the hole this early in the morning.

The usual amount of time passes in which the dogs are outside. Usually on a "cold" morning such as this they're ready to come in early. Well neither of them are waiting at the door. I open it, call them, and only Reese comes up. I give Riley another second, look at Reese and say, "where's your brother." She just looks at me like, "huh?" I walk out calling for Riley and no sign. There are however two very large holes.

I think crap, stupid little sh!t head. I take my hair out of the towel, throw on John's sandals, grab Reese and take my white rob clad ass out to the street to look for him. No sign. Doesn't he know I look like a crazy person? I'm pretty sure the little sh!t was hiding in the bushes snickering at me. I go inside and head out back to see if he's still running around in the ditch. No such luck. I head out to the front again. I notice there are school children standing on the corners now waiting for the bus. Fabulous. Now they all have the story of the crazy neighborhood lady running around with wet hair in her bathrobe and her husband's sandals looking for her damn dog at 7 am.

I'm standing in the middle of the street looking for the dog and yelling "Riley!" when I see him dart out from behind someone's trash can. I start walking over to him and he crosses the street to a group of kids as they hollar back, "he's right here." Yeah, thanks, I saw that. I walk over muttering to myself about how much of an idiot I must look like and at least it's only kids and there aren't any grownups around to say how distasteful I must be and why couldn't I have at least put on some real clothes. I get to the corner and sure enough, there's dear old dad standing on the corner with his kids laughing at me. I mutter thanks and sorry I look like a crazy person, scoop up the dog and walk as fast as I can back to the house. Come on man, your kids are 12. Can't they stand out on the street corner by themselves now? I'm sure he and his wife are having a great laugh at my expense.

Thanks you little black sh!t head.

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